| APR | 02 | TUE |
T |
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On memory issues
[originally written in Notes app]
I know I always joke around about my brain being barely capable of storing pretty much anything, but I do often worry about my memory. Everytime I think about what I did the day before, I mostly come up with a blur. I track some aspects about my health in my journal but whenever I do get to the 'logging' part the day after, I barely remember shit lol
Maybe that's why I scramble so much to record anything that happens each day... in theory. I'm not sure if it's me being neurodivergent but in reality, I struggle to get the simplest tasks done as soon as possible. No matter how much I read self-improvement books about building habits or whatever planner system I try, it won't work unless I feel like it. It's as though my mind and body functions separately in a rather dysfunctional process. In a perfect world, my journal is a complete archive of my day-to-day life, but right now I'm paralyzed by the piling blank pages, especially during March. I've even gone as far as thinking, 'if I don't remember something, it's probably not important. BUT i really want to remember every little thing i see, hear, feel and think (hydaelyn, is that you?) so I have some proof that I'm actually existing every day and I'm not some husk of empty memories. I guess I feel validated whenever someone else talks about the same experience about memory loss, like some youtubers I follow.
March has been... a rollercoaster. My visa process finally moved a few steps forward (way too fast to my liking tbh that I didn't have the time to actually process what is happening) and... ugh I barely remember shit. I don't even have pictures as reference because I've been scooted inside the apartment most of the month. I remember feeling impatient because I'm at the last step of the visa which is the waiting game. Who knows when will I get that magic email?
Anyway, going back to recording memories and experiences, I've also thought about how I want everything in one notebook, like how I want everything in one site, but also I want to be able to index it properly according to categories so I can refer to it easily. I learned this year's planner lineup that having separate notebooks for each subject doesn't actually work for me. It's too much work to hop to one notebook to the other in one session. Well, now I'm paralyzed by blank pages across three planners. Great lol Hmm, what if I adapt the bullet journal system into my Hobonichi? *adds to the growing list of projects that will take me years to finish*
Once I finish setting up my media log, I should get back to my journal and spend time with it to rekindle my connection www Time for me to write how much I fucking hate Pure Fiction in my HSR log and take a break from the site for a bit so I won't burn out quickly. Gotta let simmer things a bit, right?
- niki
Related reading: How I Journal with ADHD by squidcrusher