| APR | 23 | TUES |
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Life lately...
Hi everyone, or to whoever is still reading these posts, but I'd like to convince myself I'm just talking to myself to avoid being... performative? I don't know lol Although I still like the thought that someone would eventually stumble upon my site and maybe even read my blog posts if they want to (that's what I do!) My last post was 11 days ago, kinda crazy right after my six consecutive blog posts before it. Again, it's not that I lost interest, it's more like this small break made me appreciate the small web even more because I can take a break from it easily by not opening the site on my laptop and I can also go back to it easily just by opening the dashboard on my laptop. It feels... intentional. Like it's not trying its best to get a grip of my attention span eagerly and to keep my eyes glued for that sweet, sweet screentime.
As the title says, life update! I have been keeping myself busy from the voices in my head telling me I'm wasting my days away just because I'm unemployed lol But also I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sinking back in my depressive episodes during those 11 days that I was away. Life lately is uneventful outside, very eventful inside. And I can probably say I have emerged once again from depression/girlrot (like I always do) now that I actually willed myself to write something here. At some point I even thought of rehauling this site's layout to make it as less complicated as possible because girlrot-me thinks it's too complicated just to post something; but thankfully post-girlrot me is enlightened it's not that bad lol Note to self: everytime I think of rehauling this site, I just need to visit it once and I'll be satisfied with the layout again :P I noticed I haven't updated much of the parts that I needed to regularly update and I feel bad for neglecting them (should I just scrap it?) but then again I'm fully aware I'm no creature of habit. Ugh, it's kind of ironic to be someone obssessed with routines and habits in theory but cannot follow-up on it in practice. Aaanyway, this is my personal website, I can do what I want with it... as long as I think of what I want LOL
Now onto the real life update: I took up learning Japanese again! Recently I watched an Ensemble Stars holo-concert which reignited my love for UNDEAD. I mean, it's always been there but something just woke up in me LOL I had this very strong urge to express my love for them and I recall my idea of a personal project regarding making a fansite for UNDEAD. I can't draw and I can't write (up to my unrealistially high standards) for them so I turned to translating content related to them, which I hope to spread and express my love for them and maybe it will introduce them to newcomers and veterans alike. I have set up the main website but it's still a big, big work in progress (I'm scratching my head and screaming at Rei's dialogues) My japanese skills are kind of all over the place, I can't even describe it in terms of JLPT levels because I know my vocabulary but still not confident in my reading comprehension and speaking/writing. Thankfully I found a guide which suited my needs and preference so I have been slowly crawling through the kaishin anki deck day by day while reading about grammar through Cure Dolly which has been a great help in explaining grammar points. Maybe one day I'll write up my Thoughts(tm) on how I study the language.
Another thing I have been doing to distract myself from the horrors of my mind is reading. I have finished drum roll two books this year! LOL Initially, I set a reading goal of 2 books per month which I thought was possible even after considering my reading slump but wow I was still overestimating myself back then LOL But you know what they say, slow progress is still progress. I'm very much six books behind my schedule so I decided to read short books for now as to not overwhelm and pressure myself. I just finished Love's Work by Gillian Rose and all I can say is... wow. For a 150-page book, it's highly dense that needs dissecting and re-reading. I was lost on some parts that I couldn't really relate to or open my mind to, but the ones that resonated with me hit hard. I will probably write a short review in literal.club (the better Goodreads!) The next ones in my tbr list is This Is How You Lose The Time War recommended by a friend and the April read for bookbug club which reminds me I should set up my virtual shelf here :3
Other life happenings... not much. I still haven't heard anything regarding my visa but I have pretty much accepted I'll hear from them around late May or June. It's fine though! I'm taking this as a good thing because it means more days to spend with the ones I love.
I'm still swimming through and that's the best I can do :)
- niki