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Hi everyone, I hope you're all doing okay (I type this as if I'm filming a youtube video, talking to the camera). Today I spent the whole afternoon rearranging stuff in this website. Yay for version 2.1! Although I was pretty proud of what I did in the previous layout, when I returned here after my vacation with Kerotan (my fiance, I'll call him that from now on because typing 'my fiance' is too much work. I will be mentioning him a lot for sure so it's good to set a nickname from here on out lol) I felt unsatisfied all of a sudden like, it feels cluttered and all over the place. So I surfed the web the whole day yesterday looking for inspiration, and god everytime I spend my time in the smallweb I feel so much more... positive? instead of the dread I usually feel when doomscrolling social media, specifically Twitter. My surfing session led me to the conclusion that: I don't need another total overhaul of the site design. It's still pretty cute! It just needs a little rearranging here and there. And so I ended up with a cleaner-looking one-column layout! I moved the navigation as the header instead of a sidebar. Even though this update is pretty much minor-ish, I still learned a lot :") I discovered more sites that offer coding help and I can't be thankful enough as a newbie like me. Unfortunately I still can't make it fully responsive so there's still that that I have to figure out.
I know this will sound like tooting my own horn but hey, this is my personal website and this is where I unapologetically love myself, but anyway, I'm so proud of me for continuing to improve in web design. I was updating my site archive page when I saw my first layout and I thought like, wow I've improved so much since April! If you saw my first code, it's basically a div-soup lmao But now! ...It's still a mess but I've learned to avoid a div-soup and use other formatting tips to make things easier for me. Over the months I've learned about myself that I actually hate updating tedious pages, hence this blog page never lasting a month of consistent updates. For me, my previous blog layouts were too complicated to update so I couldn't be assed to go into my dashboard and add lines of writing lol The current layout cut a lot of the steps so I hope this will make me write more. I mean, what kind of life record is one update a month?! But don't mind me lol it's just my perfectionist tendencies. Again, this is my personal website and I permit myself to make mistakes here. This is a new start and hopefully I'll update more than once a month this time.
life update
It was Kerotan's turn to visit me in my country and we had the best three weeks together. It felt like a dream but also real at the same time. Warning: mushy writing ahead! Since 2022, we've done our best to meet once a year. This year's visit was so special to me. We traveled four hours to my hometown, he stayed at my family's house for a few days, he spent time with my family and relatives, we visited where I went to high school, we revisited places that brought me 10 years back.
We celebrated my birthday together for the first time irl; I got to spend my special day with the love of my life and my family. I used to think of it not happening due to the long distance relationship but it really did happen! Ever since I turned 20, I normally cry during my birthday. It must be a girlhood thing but I guess any girl would cry at the thought of everything she knew at 18 slipping from her fingers way too fast for her to process. I do feel happy because a birthday girl is treated special (I am very much loved!) but as soon as I hit the hay at night I will always end up in tears. Six years later, my love and I shared a kiss on my birthday and I went to sleep that night with butterflies in my stomach.
We traveled back to the city after a few days in my hometown and we spent each moment just basking in each other's presence in our rented AirBnB. We went on so many dates and dinners that were still not enough to make up for the years apart since we started dating, but I still cherish every one of them. We've been together for seven years now and we still learned so much about each other from this trip, and I love that so much... (clenches fist) I love intimacy so much aaaaaaaaaaaaa
Of course, time passes (unfortunately for us) and before we knew it, three weeks had gone by. On the last night, after I packed my stuff while he was sleeping, I got into the bed and hugged him tightly until my heart felt so heavy that I ended up crying. I thought I'm already used to it but going to sleep knowing the other will fly to the other side of the world the next morning will always hurt like it's the first time. Turns out he was still awake and he stroked my back gently while I continued to silently cry, then he teared up too. And we cry together just as we always do.
Four days had passed and I still miss him so much but for now, we'll have to make do with discord calls and messages and random steam stickers. Being not able to hold him sucks big time but still thankful for the technology that lets me bother him any time any day of the week :") I love him more than anything.
Now that I'm done with the random urge that made me want to update my site layout, I can finally continue my fic that's uhm collecting dust in my notes and in 8 days I can finally play FFXVI! I'm beyond excited to finally experience the story for myself. And maybe I can also start either JackJeanne or Virche that Kerotan got me for my birthday u//u
I'll see you on the next entry (with hopefully a completed playthrough log)!